Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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