Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
