were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
