Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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