Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
