last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
babies were throwing up all over the place
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
