Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize