Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
