so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
