I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
