I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Let's get the cat blown out
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
