if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
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The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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