Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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