Soap is not a condiment
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
