I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
cat food counts as protein by the way
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
