On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Oh god it's open bar.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
