I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
it hurts more in the daytime
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Randomize
