Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
