love makes seman taste better
he was CRYING into my vagina
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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