Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
