I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I'm both gender and math confused
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
