i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
