I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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