I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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