i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
