Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
