even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
