apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
