So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Randomize
