I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
