You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
