Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Someone shit on the floor
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
