I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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