He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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