well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
