That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I just googled if crying burns calories
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
