i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
