Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Randomize
