I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
