She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
