Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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