My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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