Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
