Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
