I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
