Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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