her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
