Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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