Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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