Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize