The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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