What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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