margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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