normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
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