i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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