Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I skipped work to stalk him.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
