im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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