I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Randomize
