I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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