you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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