I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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