I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Randomize
