Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
