yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I don't deserve a penis
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
