Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
