you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
