Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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