I think im going to throw up on grandma
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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