well I can't set my house on fire every night
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
It's never too late to be topless.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
