i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
