No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
